And I Will Try To Fix You

Come December, I will have been a receptionist for seven years. A job I was told would be a "stepping stone" after graduation. A job I never expected to love. A job I never expected would change me. A job that, after all these years, still surprises me daily. Oh, and frustrates me daily. (These are both good things.)

I love meeting new people and making friends with my regular visitors. I love having something that keeps me busy all.day.long. I love when people realise the indirect power I have. I love being able to passive aggressively mess with jerks.

People can be absolutely nasty to people in a service related job. Whether it be a waiter, cashier, or receptionist. I'll never understand the need to be rude to another person. Especially someone who is trying to help you.

I'm not saying it's right to spit in someone's food. To put your bread on the bottom of the bag, or to send your calls directly to voicemail. I'm not even admitting these things happen on purpose.

But they might.

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Why You Throw Chip?

The charm is wearing off. My visitors are now creepier and less surprising. We have a two-fer!

There were a ton of cold calls today. A visitor wanted to leave information for the IT Manager. As he stapled his business card to a brochure, he asked me if I was “sure that I could manage doing this.” Buddy, you’re dropping off paper, I think I can manage. After I reassured him I was capable of taking care of this task, he asked to use the bathroom. After he finished, he thanked me for saving a life. I’m glad he appreciated peeing so much. This would constitute as a first impression fail.

The second was on the phone. He started chatting with me. First he wanted to know what I was doing (answering the phones), if I was working late (no), and if I received the cable he dropped off (uh). It was strange. When I admitted I knew nothing of the cable, it finally dawned on him that he had no idea who he was talking to. I suppose I could have told him that but then what would I complain about?

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Don't Shoot The Follower

The line between bullies and pushovers is tiny. If there was any doubt, I lean heavily towards the latter. I’ve never liked to be a leader and before I was receptionist, I was quieter and shyer than I am now. Part of me wishes I could work the system better. Unfortunately, the battle is decided by who is the most argumentative.

Imagine you’re at a crowded restaurant. Two people have the same problem; they need a table. The pushover would accept the server's apology and wait patiently. The bully, on the other hand, would yell and argue. You know how this ends, right? The bully would get a table, free meal, and an apology because they didn’t want to put up with him. The pushover would eventually get one (maybe with nicer service).

It doesn’t seem right that people get rewarded for being rude. At Disney, the more you complain, the more they pacify you. Part of me is envious of them for speaking up and getting what they want. The other part would rather sleep with a clear conscience.

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Samuel Peeples' Evolution

I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions. It annoys me that they are all the rage in January. Accomplishments shouldn’t depend on a calendar. I've never made one but I would consider it if they were as great as everyone thinks. My exercise facility sees a frenzy of new faces (similar to churches at Christmas or Easter time). Until February they’ll be in my way. Obviously, as far as a motivational catalyst, they aren’t effective.

I prefer to look at the year as a whole. I may try a few new things or travel somewhere new. You know, explore strange new worlds; seek out new life and new civilizations; to boldly go...What? I have to keep it simple; otherwise a new year will only mean more work and I’m lazy.

The closest thing I have to a resolution this month is to relax. My stress level was so high in December; it’s hard to come down cold turkey. I think it fueled me through the whole month and now I can’t function without it. People, a receptionist doped up on stress? It’s not pretty.

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I Need To Know

Our company is located in a... decent area. I don’t recommend walking down the street but it’s fine to drive down. With an emphasis on manufacturing, rather than retail or residential, there’s little reason for foot traffic. Yet this doesn’t seem to stop people. They appear out of nowhere with strange requests. I’ve had people want water, a phone book, or directions on how to get across the street (the building is literally as large as a city block, yet somehow invisible).

I try to accommodate most of the requests. I’ve looked up phone numbers or let some visitors take my entire candy jar. I figure if they’re desperate enough to ask, I don’t mind helping them out. Today a lady pushing a baby stroller came in. I guess she was out for a lovely stroll in the (neighbour)hood. I was more fascinated that she was around 7 months pregnant and desperate for a bathroom. I obliged (what other bathroom was she going to find?) but I’m left wondering; where the heck was she going, on a scenic tour?

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Maybe It's Just Me

Signs you’ve been a receptionist too long:

1. You make small talk with strangers even when not being paid.
2. You know how long it takes before a telemarketer will hang up after being put on hold.
3. You forget you don’t have real office walls. ("People can see through the glass?")
4. You answer every phone call with “good morning!” even when you’re not at work.
5. You end your sentences with “one moment please” without realizing it.
6. You get protective of lobbies and parking lots.
7. You forget your home phone doesn’t have a hold button or a direct to voicemail button.
8. You’re comfortable with old men flirting with you and come to expect it.
9. You associate numbers with people and vice versa.
10. You recognize telemarketers by their voice. ("Oh Tom, thanks for trying again today.")
11. You make up fictional people to make your job easier.
12. You know how to fake taking a phone message.
13. Your sentences all end with an upswing.
14. You consider salesmen friends.

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You Did A Very Bad Thing

Even though phones are obsolete, I expect you to know how to use them. Here are some examples of things that don’t work (at work).

1. Not paying attention. If the ringing stops, that’s your cue.
2. Yelling. Just because you can't hear, doesn’t mean I can't too.
3. Being rude. I’m sorry your husband cheated on you with your sister, but I'm not to blame.
4. Vague questions. I don’t know Mike who works in the shop. I need a last name or a department.
5. Vague ideas. If you don’t know why or whom you’re calling for, WHY did you?
6. Flirting with the receptionist. It’s creepy.
7. Calling for no reason. If you could have called him at home, you should have.
8. Assuming because you called, they have to answer the phone. They do have free will.
9. Rambling. Be clear, but not specific.
10. Guessing games. No, I don’t know who this is, don’t have caller ID, and don’t want to play this awkward game.

Most of these apply to work, but I’m sure someone, somewhere feels my pain. Right?

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I'm Not Listening, Not Anymore

I sit outside of the president’s office. Let me be the first to tell you nothing interesting happens in there. Most of the time I forget he’s there. With so many noises in the office, you learn to hone in on specific ones while ignoring others. I do this because I don’t want to be burdened with what happens in there (ignorance is bliss). It’s also none of my business.

Some of his visitors are harder to ignore. Their unfamiliar voices carry well. I catch sound bites. My favourite are the ones who are aware of me. “I should probably be quiet.” (Or maybe you shouldn't be saying it at all or saying it somewhere else.) Regardless, I don’t care. There’s only been a few times where I left because I was uncomfortable.

Considering I had a lovely long Memorial weekend, I’m cranky today. The gossip and politics are bothering me more than normal. Not even my Brobee or twitter are cheering me up today. My new wallpaper helped the most. I enjoy my wallpaper collection even if no one else does.


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Smeg, The Cat Has A Cousin!

Five years. That’s how long I’ve been a receptionist. Each week I'm still surprised. It’s like the best reality show you’ve never watched.

Today it was a visitor. We've had a lot of job applicants. We’re not hiring but they still have to try. Each has a different story. Since we’re a machine shop, most are casually dressed. A few still wear a suit but nothing like this last guy.

He was well spoken and nicely dressed. He was informed about the company and made small talk. He was an ideal applicant. What made him special was his clothing. He had a long, fur trimmed brown coat, custom tailored pants, and a gold chain. Oh and his pants and shirt were florescent, day glow yellow. I kid you not.

The amount of time, money, and effort he put into his outfit was staggering. Oddly, I think he pulled it off. It worked in a horrifying, blinding kind of way. He could have gone overboard with a hat but he knew that was too much. I’m left wondering what kind of car would go with that outfit?

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What Was Your Name Again?

Most days I can’t decide which is better: Caller ID or no Caller ID. At home, it’s amazing. We might pick up every tenth call (if we feel like it). Work is another story. Assuming can get me into trouble. With that in mind, some stuff is Need To Know (like the owner or an important customer).

After 5 years, I still question myself occasionally. Today was one of those days. I received a very friendly call and I'm not positive from who. I should know. I think I knew. Which leaves me with a dilemma: Ask and look like a jerk. Guess and screen the wrong person to my boss. I went with the latter, but I walked down and warned her. Caller ID would have eliminated the need to guess. I can’t be on my A-game everyday. I never found out if I was right.

I like to think that not having it makes me a better receptionist. I have to answer every call the same. It keeps me on my toes. I can’t be nicer when I know it’s the owner calling. At least this is what I tell myself as I slowly lose my mind.

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Rick Deckard VS The Telemarketers

Inside jokes are obnoxious. On rare occasion, they're useful. So begins the story of Rick Deckard. Telemarketers are slimy, sneaky, and persistent. Just like the Queen, they want Rumpelstilskin’s name to gain power. To cope, I came up with a plan. Give them a fake name. Simple right? It only works if it's believable.

My boss asked today who Rick was. I told him he was our god (as far as employees go). He’s anything telemarketers ask for: IT, Marketing, Owner... I have a fake voicemail with no name. It has an extension associated, but no phone. It rings silently before going to voicemail. This amused him (ironically not my other boss).

When I get a call for Rick, I can check the voicemail, see if it's important, and deal with it. It works beautifully. My other boss thought I should say we weren’t interested. Really? Have you tried that? It’s their job to get a name. I’m busy. Either I can be rude, hang up, or debate. Two out of three will cause certain death. The other wastes my time.

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Why So Serious?

Just when I start to think that I've heard everything, something new comes along. Today a walk-in surprised me. He comes in and causally chitchats. It turns out he was representing a cleaning service. What made him strange was his approach. He was so sad. Actual conversation:

Him: Who does your cleaning?
Me: We do that in house.
Him: Really? Why would you do that to me? I have no business because of people like you.
Me: ...

When I spoke with him further, he reveled that he didn’t like his job. He then asked for a card to show that he "did his job”. I'm not convinced he'll follow up on anything.

The pity pitch was such a backwards approach. I told him he was the saddest salesman I've ever seen in my 4 years. He countered that he could have been even more pathetic. I hope he was serious about leaving his job. He has no business being a salesman. It would be a win-win for everyone.

I think I might recommend the “I'm a pathetic puppy dog” sales pitch to the president.

It's new anyway.

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Llama Sit!

The drama llama strikes again. To be fair I set myself up for this. I made a rookie mistake. A visitor came in for a scheduled appointment. I recognized him and asked for a refresher on his name (I’m terrible with names). He asked for llama and I went to get him. Problem? Llama’s name is rather common. So common we have 8 with the same first name. Three of those are involve with purchasing. Rookie mistake: I assumed I knew which employee to get.

Fine. I made a mistake. Had this been a non-drama coworker, I could have apologized and returned to my visitor for clarification. Unfortunately llama wanted to come tease him. It was all too tempting. I begged llama to stay at his desk (I honestly did) but he said he wanted to have some fun. Fun at other people’s expense is not cool. I really need to remember Mr. Generic next time. Since I remember why I can’t assume.

As a side note: The more common your name, the less likely I’ll remember it. The name that gives me the most grief...is Mike.

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Bribery Is Your Friend

When do aging people start becoming rude? Do all aging people become rude? I sure hope not. Lately, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend. Some sales reps or salesmen I’ve known for years are becoming ornery. They’re using our good business relationship to demand crap from me.

I deal with a lot of people. All day. Everyday. When dealing with them my goal is to keep them in the same mood or better. As a receptionist, people are my top priority. Treat them first and with respect. This often works. The real jerks are few and far between.

For the record, I’ve been here long enough to know how I should be treated (and have more confidence to boot). I will admit I play favourites. If I know and like you I will go out of my way to help you. There is no reason to start demanding. Bribery is much smarter. You bring me chocolate? I will find who or what you're looking for. Please think twice before using a patronizing tone. A quick hello and who you’re looking for is a win-win for everyone. Promise.

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American Phone

Before becoming a receptionist I hated phones. I hated everything about them. They’re a clumsy way to communication, also inconvenient. After being a receptionist for 4 years, I would like to tell you this opinion has changed.

It hasn’t.

Phones are obsolete. They may give me job security, but I want them replaced. By replace, I mean by something other than an automated system (the worse thing that happened to phones). I get making phones smaller and with easy to use buttons. I’ll never understand automated phone systems.

Over the years, I’ve come to view phones as an art form. I mastered a consistent rhythm and tone. Put procedures and escape plans in place. Something I still haven’t mastered? Placing phone calls. I may answer phones all day long. Deal with customers, wives, and telemarketers. Calling on behave of a company (or yourself)? It’s much different. One day, I’ll tackle this phone thing. Then move on to leaving voice mails.

With my luck that’ll be the day the phones die.

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Passive-Aggressive This!

I wanted to write a post about how as a receptionist, lying now comes easy to me. I started to research a trait I’m often accused of: passive aggression. Even with Wikipedia’s questionable research, I can see why I’m accused of it. However, it seems difficult to diagnose or to recognize in oneself. Plus, depending on how you define it, it can apply to practically everyone or no one. Maybe it's the disorder of the day.

If nothing else, it should be considered a coping technique. In which case, can you fault someone for it? Sometimes we need to cope. It's better than the alternative. (So says the self-coined, passive-aggressive middle child.) My favourite opinion I read was we should consider calling an ass an ass. It’s more to the point and likely more accurate.

I’m also a passive driver. Hate on me for that if you must, but I have a perfect driving record. No accidents, no parking tickets, and never been pulled over. However... it proves to be the slower way to get from point A to B.

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Profile Me

1. I’ve never had a blog before and hate the word.
   
2. I became an U.S. citizen on October 30, 2008 after much stressful waiting.
   
3. I love to vote. It doesn’t matter if it’s for an election, survey, or sleazy poll.
   
4. My middle name is Rose and I love it. I also love using middle names to honour your family (leaving your first name to be “unique”).
   
5. I love taking pictures of my food, your food, and stranger’s food. It makes me happy. Deal with it.
   
6. Fashion has always been a mystery to me. I keep my clothing simple to avoid any potential faux pas.
   
7. I have a total of three piercing. All in my ears. I feel balanced with three and don’t plan to get any more. Having four (matching) never appealed to me.
   
8. Having said that I love things even, balanced, and matching. I also love contradictions.
   
9. I believe it’s colder in Wisconsin then in Northern Alberta. That’s my opinion, not a fact.
   
10. I adore twitter and all it’s randomness.
    
11. People who don’t get twitter sadden me.
    
12. I’ve been a receptionist for over 4 years and love it. After my first week, I decided I would be happy working as a receptionist until I retired.
    
13. I hate “life-goals” and “career-planning”. Where’s the fun in that? Save money. Go with the flow. Live life.
    
14. When I took my job they told me it was a “stepping stone” and that I was over qualified. Now I’m not qualified for a raise.
    
15. When I started working as a receptionist, I hated talking on the phone. This hasn’t changed.
    
16. People like to forget I have a college degree. It’s an Associates Degree. I worked hard for it. It counts.
    
17. I have no desire to go back for further education. I rather get me some street education.
    
18. She’ll never know, but her blog inspired me: http://captainhambone.typepad.com/ (see also her about section).
    
19. A twitter follower and blogger motivated me to blog: http://beautifulfunnysadandtrue.com He may find out.
    
20. I believe imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
    
21. I never claim to be original or creative. Just friendly.
    
22. I do most of my writing at work. Reason number 156 why I love my job.
    
23. I despise moving but dream of living in a foreign country one day. You know, other than the current one.
    
24. I dislike people taking my picture without permission.
    
25. I avoid putting any pictures of myself up on the Internet because I’m paranoid.
    
26. I have a real picture of me on my twitter account. (It’s rather dated.)
    
27. As a kid, I swore I would never leave home.
    
28. I purchased a condo with my SO in October 2005 and have never regretted it.
    
29. I like to bake. I don’t bake as often now that I have to wash my own dishes.
    
30. I recently started cooking dinner. I like things that are simple and don’t involve handling raw meat.
    
31. Curry night is my favourite night of the week. Even if it’s not every week.
    
32. It involves chicken, but I buy it frozen and pretend it’s not raw.
    
33. To my sister’s disappointment, I order chicken at practically every meal.
    
34. I think I’m funny, even if no body else does.
    
35. If something I said sounds mean, it wasn’t. It’s likely you misunderstood me.
    
36. The more you harass me to do something, the less likely I am to do it.
    
37. I despise peer pressure. Unless its used as encouragement to finish your beer.
    
38. I’m a classic middle child. Deal with it. It’s likely your fault.
    
39. There are actually four of us kids so I’m not a true middle child.
    
40. I refused to do Facebook’s 25 things about you! It annoyed me and I didn’t want to share with my friends on Facebook.
41. I don’t know why since I love doing stupid surveys like that.
    
42. Sisko is my favourite Star Trek captain. I know this is controversial.
    
43. I truly believe Star Trek has all the best TV couples.
    
44. I enjoy buying fun t-shirts. I adore every single one of them.
    
45. Layering t-shirts is the only fashion tread I’ve liked and adopted.
    
46. My condo is pet-free. This gladdens me.
    
47. Sometimes I wish I had a rabbit. They make the best pets ever.
    
48. My SO’s uncle believes rabbits are afraid of everything and incapable of loving. We’re argued about this more than once.
    
49. I get into some strange arguments. None of which include politics or religion.
    
50. If Zombies ever attacked, I believe they would win in the end. Even if it’s the slow kind.
    
51. Just in case, we have a Zombie defense plan. (I wish I were kidding.)
    
52. Even though the entire process is frightening, I want to have kids. If I have a middle child? This will be my favourite child.
    
53. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever feel like a grown up. Most days I don’t care.
    
54. I want a Scottish accent. More than you’ll ever know.
    
55. I love wearing my hair tied back. I don’t care if you like it better down.
    
56. I’ve had some form of bangs my entire life. I briefly tried growing them out. I did not enjoy this process.
    
57. My hair is naturally a shade of dirty blond. My eyebrows don’t match.
    
58. Coincidentally? They match right now because I dyed my hair “ebony-brown”. I like it even if no one noticed it was different.
    
59. I’m a notoriously bad speller. Sometimes even the spelling check can’t guess what I was trying to write. Please forgive me in advance.
    
60. I went to college for Technical Writing. Loved the program. Hated the field.
61. I got the second highest grade in our proofreading class. Don’t ask me how.
    
62. I sat next to the person who had the highest grade in proofreading. This is a strange coincidence.
63. I was the youngest in my program in college. Most of my classmates had children older than me.
    
64. We still hang out. I love our annual dinner. I call it my night out with the old folks.
    
65. I have a hard time making friends with people the same age as me.
    
66. Most of my friends are the older than me. This doesn’t change the fact that they are awesome.
    
67. I miss our friends from the SO’s college. They are amazing, but live too far away. (This doubly applies to my old high school friends who are further away.)
    
68. My mom and hang out regularly. Whether for a beer or a show, we have a good time. This is how we roll.
    
69. I still giggle at the number 69. It’s not that funny. (See number 53.)
    
70. I watch a lot of TV. It makes me happy.
    
71. Sleep also makes me happy. I’m working on finding a way to get paid for it.
72. I’m not a fan of trying new things. Especially when it comes to food. I’m fine with missing out.
    
73. I spent most of the afternoon working on this. The old me would have felt guilty. The new me doesn’t care.
    
74. I like to play both sides of a debate. The reason is because I don’t believe a debate can even be won.
    
75. This is probably why I suck at debates and sports. I think it’s because I don’t enjoy competition.
    
76. The only sports team I was truly a member of was floor hockey. It rocked.
    
77. They don’t play enough hockey here. Or curling for that matter.
    
78. I was once in a family-curling league. We lost every match. I still enjoyed it.
    
79. I hate public speaking. I avoid it at all costs.
    
80. People used to think I was quiet. Being a receptionist has helped change that. Twitter has probably made it worse.
81. I love talking to my visitors at work. Even the sales people.
    
82. I dubbed last year (2008) as a year of firsts. I tried and did many new things. I know this contradicts number 72, but I never said I enjoyed it.
    
83. I look young for my age. It seems to run in the family. I will appreciate this fact when I’m older.
    
84. I worry people won’t enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
    
85. With that in mind, I remind myself that only my opinion matters. It makes me feel better.
    
86. I don’t believe in tanning. In fact, I’m very against tanning. Proud to be pasty! Join me!
    
87. I hate wearing sun block, but I do it anyways. I own three different kinds.
    
88. We go on an annual trip to Florida. Because of all the sun block I come back whiter. It happens.
    
89. Time is not my friend. There is no good excuse to be late, yet it’s a bad habit of mine.
    
90. In two years, I haven’t had a work review. When I do, they will mention the fact that I’m always late. I rationalize it because my boss is always late too.
91. I found my dream job. It’s not here, but it involves being a receptionist. I’m keeping it on the back burners.
    
92. I got my current job because of my SO. Everyone here has some kind of connection.
    
93. I’ve dated my SO for almost ten years. Without any breaks. I’m proud of that. < 3
    
94. Don’t ask when we’re getting married. I won’t answer.
    
95. When I’m rich? I will never drive again. Driving bores me.
    
96. My driving record is perfect. I give them no excuse to pull me over. So far this has worked to my advantage.
    
97. Despite the fact I hate traveling, I want to do more. I enjoy being a tourist entirely too much.
    
98. Most people struggle to reach 100. I think twitter has rotted my brain in such a way that random facts or statements are easy. This could be problematic.
    
99. Easter is my favourite holiday: Spring, chocolate, bunnies, and ducks. It has success written all over it.
    
100. I believe in the underdog.