I Find Your Underwear Offensive

I need feedback. A few weeks ago, I was at a bar. It used to be my favourite but with management changes, it's gone downhill. We were there for early St Patrick’s Day festivities. Within 20 minutes of being there I was upset. First I couldn’t get served, and then when I did my beer was stale. Then a homeless lady interrupted me in the washroom and shoved her way in (before letting me out). All of this I could ignore.

What put me over the edge was what I saw the bartender do. For St. Patrick’s Day, both of the bartenders were wearing kilts (adorable). The younger of the two was absentmindedly leaning over the bar. In slow motion, I watched her flip her kilt up, stick both hands into her underwear, and yank out a wedgie. Arg! It’s not socially acceptable to put your hands down your pants, why can she put them up her skirt in front of the whole bar? No one else seemed to care, but I’m still bothered. If nothing else, the fact she had underwear on with a kilt should be offensive. Right?

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Can You Feel The Love Tonight

A little known fact about me: I’ve always wanted to be a bartender. Even before I drank or went to a bar, I wanted to be one. Who could resist the glamour? You know, the drunken cliental, smoky air, and dim lights. Normal people have more ambitious career paths. I choose the one that makes me happiest. Bartenders are masters behind the bar. They’re multitasking geniuses of retail, mixology, and social interactions.

Tuesday night I had the opportunity to stand behind a bar. Everything looked and felt so different. I’m not sure why I jumped on the opportunity. It could have been the two beers (courage!), the four sodas I drank (energy!), or the genuine desire to help. Regardless, I now jones for more of it. I found out you learn the tricks as you go. I also found out the biggest different between answering the phone and taking a drink order: If you can’t understand the person, there’s no guessing. They will know if the drink is wrong and the fix isn’t as easy as retransferring a call.

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The More You Know

Things I learned this weekend: I still enjoy a good hockey game. You can force people to come out, but you can’t force them to stay out. When taking shots, it’s best to spread them out over time. Free wifi at bars is dangerous. No matter what excuse you have, you'll feel guilty for skipping family functions. MechWarriors is not a 15-minute thing. Motion sickness sucks, especially when there's no motion. Ice cream cone cupcakes baffle people. Walgreens sells eggs (but keeps them hidden). You can take on the Easter bunny and win. People are genuinely happy when you mention it’s your birthday. Gifts are nice but phone calls are nicer. Sometimes all you need is your best friend.

This weekend was my birthday (and something called Easter). I broke from tradition and mixed it up. It was simple but truly enjoyable. Maybe next year, to quote my sister-in-law, I won't "drink my face off". Honestly, it's something you could never plan. Thanks to everyone who made it a success (or bared witness)!

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