Sandman, I'm So Alone

This last month has been exhausting. I find myself starring at my monitor and seeing nothing. Last night I tried to repay my debt to the Sandman, but he’s not an easy man to please. I treated myself to a two-hour nap and it turned into a nap of the dead. I call it that because you wake up with no cognitive skills. I only knew that I had been asleep. The time, day, location, and month were a blurry question mark. While the nap was amazing, it terrifies me to wake up so disorientated. (On the positive side I was 100 percent sober and in my own bed. I wonder how I would cope waking up in a stranger’s bed. It was hard enough to reassure myself that it was Tuesday night.)

With my nap plus seven additional hours of sleep, I started today with my fingers crossed. Too often I’ve been waking up tired, drifting off all morning, and napping during lunch. It gets old. It turns out my debt was not repaid. I spent the morning sipping coffee and pacing. Plan B is to learn how to work while asleep.

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Psychotically Early

I got to work early today. It was a rare morning where everything clicked into place. Is this how it is for other people? I got up, got ready (without rushing), and it was still early. Normally this isn’t possible even if I wake up early and rush. Somehow those extra 20 minutes melt away and I get to work at the same late time. It’s frustrating.

I can only conclude that I suck at the mornings. I can’t remember a time where I didn’t suck at mornings. I was late to kindergarten and it’s been a thing ever since. I don’t enjoy being late, nor do I try to be. It just happens. Someone might psychobabble it’s my passive aggressive way of asserting myself. If that’s the case I’m doing it unconsciously. If you tell me how, I’ll try to change.

I have a theory. For the person who is always on time, I’m their counter-balance. There are two sides to everything. Night and day, summer and winter. That aside, I truly believe that there is no good reason to be late. Not that this helps me be on time.

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