I Don't Speak No Stinking English

Anyone trying to learn English will tell you the same thing: It’s a hard language. The rules are inconsistent, it can be phonetic but not always, and don’t forget slang. I come from an English speaking home but it trips me up. Certain words or pronunciations don’t flow. I have a few default lines to remedy this. My favourite is to tell people that it's my second language. This one confused my poor cousin. Heck, it confuses everyone, but it’s effective.

For here, I like to tell people I'm Canadian. Why that works, I honestly don’t know. I spoke strangely back home too. My made up or mispronounced words didn’t make any more sense. My accent is another story. I have something between a Midwest American and Western Canadian accent. It leaves me with neither.

In the end, as much as I hate English, I’m glad it’s my native language. If I learned anything from my citizenship class it's how easy I had it. My follow classmates struggled learning to read, write, and speak English as adults.

Characters used = 1,000

People Suck; Home Edition

We live in a condo. Our building has 10 units. There are 2 on each end and 4 on each side. There are common sense rules for living in a condo. The typical be kind to your neighbour and be courteous to your surroundings junk. Normally things are good, but they're never perfect. Currently someone’s blasting beep bop music as if they lived in a barn. It's impossible to tell who’s to blame. Worse is our condo association’s solution: Call them and let them handle it. Which is great except they only work 8-4 during the week.

I talk to our neighbours in passing and they complain about it too. Yet no one’s to blame. How does that work? The only neighbour I trust is the 86-year old in the unit below us. He told us he doesn’t like to be disturbed. He also sits at his window to make sure no one parks in his assigned spot. A few months after we moved in (and periodically since) he asked if we still lived here because he couldn't hear us. I wonder: Could the least likely suspect be the guilty one?

Characters used = 1,000

What Was Your Name Again?

Most days I can’t decide which is better: Caller ID or no Caller ID. At home, it’s amazing. We might pick up every tenth call (if we feel like it). Work is another story. Assuming can get me into trouble. With that in mind, some stuff is Need To Know (like the owner or an important customer).

After 5 years, I still question myself occasionally. Today was one of those days. I received a very friendly call and I'm not positive from who. I should know. I think I knew. Which leaves me with a dilemma: Ask and look like a jerk. Guess and screen the wrong person to my boss. I went with the latter, but I walked down and warned her. Caller ID would have eliminated the need to guess. I can’t be on my A-game everyday. I never found out if I was right.

I like to think that not having it makes me a better receptionist. I have to answer every call the same. It keeps me on my toes. I can’t be nicer when I know it’s the owner calling. At least this is what I tell myself as I slowly lose my mind.

Characters used = 1,000

Passive-Aggressive This!

I wanted to write a post about how as a receptionist, lying now comes easy to me. I started to research a trait I’m often accused of: passive aggression. Even with Wikipedia’s questionable research, I can see why I’m accused of it. However, it seems difficult to diagnose or to recognize in oneself. Plus, depending on how you define it, it can apply to practically everyone or no one. Maybe it's the disorder of the day.

If nothing else, it should be considered a coping technique. In which case, can you fault someone for it? Sometimes we need to cope. It's better than the alternative. (So says the self-coined, passive-aggressive middle child.) My favourite opinion I read was we should consider calling an ass an ass. It’s more to the point and likely more accurate.

I’m also a passive driver. Hate on me for that if you must, but I have a perfect driving record. No accidents, no parking tickets, and never been pulled over. However... it proves to be the slower way to get from point A to B.

Character used = 1,000