Because Jamaican Me Crazy

Relax.

It sounds easy, doesn't it?

Just relax.

What if relaxing makes me anxious?

(I'm normal, I swear.)

Later this week I'll be traveling to Jamaica. An all inclusive. This worries me.

I wonder about the accommodations. The weather. How strong the sun will be. What I'll feel like doing. That I won't use my time wisely. Maybe I'll drink too much (or not enough). If I'll sleep well or have enough sunblock. Maybe I'll get addicted to being lazy. Will I find any metal chickens? I might have to drink Jamaica rum. Frick.

I know, tough life, right? We're going with a large group. Everyone is excited for different reasons. The main reason I'm going, and what I'm most excited about, is our friends' wedding. On the beach. If nothing else goes the way I imagine, I know this will be awesome. Why? Because I remember seeing the spark in the first few minutes they met. And while I never imagined they would be getting married 4 years later, I can't say that I haven't been waiting for this day.

Characters used = 1,000.

Mr. Excitement

I found my soul mate. His name is Bert and he is a 40-year old puppet. Please don’t try to talk me out of it; I’ve already researched him on Wikipedia.

I should explain. The other day I was trying to remember what Bert collected. I remembered his proclivity towards pigeons, but not much else. It turns out he collects both bottle caps and paperclips. Since I went to all the work of loading up Wikipedia, I was curious what other information was known about him. Outside of being an enthusiast, he’s also an activist (for the National Association of W Lovers), and a scholar (he loves to read). Combine that with his patience he has for Ernie and I think he’s looking solid.

What sold me on Bert was a quote from his puppeteer Frank Oz: “I was never really happy with Bert's character until about a year in, when I realized...that he was a very boring character, and I'd use that weakness as a strength for him." Who says boring can't be good? If no one else, I know my cousin will support me.

Characters used = 1,000