The Little Blue Can

There comes a point when being tired isn’t solved by caffeine. On our marathon road trip we drove 28 hours straight. My driving was minimal but there’s something about being in a car for that long. After hour 20, I decided to drink a Red Bull. (I adore that little blue can. So much so that it’s a special treat.) It didn't help. I was still seeing the back of my eyelids more than I care to admit.

Here’s where I get a bright idea. I stopped at the nearest gas station and picked up a 5-Hour Energy Shot. It guaranteed no crash and sounded like a good idea. Obviously there were two flaws with this idea. The first was I had never had one before and didn’t know how I would react. The second was I had forgotten about the Red Bull. All I knew was the bottle was tiny and I was tired. What I didn’t know is instead of being awake and productive, I would be jittery and suffering chest pain. The next few hours were interesting if nothing else. I’m happy I only spent $3 to simulate a heart attack.

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The Day The Car (Almost) Died

I dislike pumping gas. It’s included in my disdain for cars. See also: driving, repairing, and paying for. Unfortunately, Racine has lousy public transportation. Contrary to popular belief, I can and do drive. I just don’t fill the car up with gas. I get other people to do it (don’t judge). I have a phobia about it and I choose to avoid it when possible.

Having said that, we have an older car I like to drive. The gas gauge doesn’t work spectacularly. I last drove it at 2 a.m. and didn’t want to get gas then. I vowed I would the next time. Before anyone gets uppity, I realise it’s important to the car's maintenance.

Problem: The car barely started. Insert expletives here. Once it did, gas was direly needed. I went to the station on Spring St. Let it be known, I was glad to be going downhill. The car died at the stoplights before the gas station and I had to coast to the gas pump (while sweet talking the car). This was the first time I was happy to be there. I think the car agreed.

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And Did It My Way

Tech support calls are challenging. It's a call no one wants to make and a job no one wants to work. Today, it was unavoidable. I send the payroll for the company through ADP’s site. It requires a digital cert. Mine expired and I wasn't notified because they had issues.

The Princess is in charge of payroll and made the initial call. She passed the call to me and they sent an e-mail to follow. No problem. Except I hit an error before I could download the cert. Princess calls again and tells me to stay on the phone until it's resolved. The second tech was worthless. She didn’t listen and seemed annoyed when it didn’t work. I explained it again. She randomly reset my password. She had no clue. I got a case number and hung up. Half an hour with her was enough.

Princess was annoyed with me. Having to call a third time was a major inconvenience. Apparently I was supposed to be aggressive and demand someone else. Or not. I got the problem resolved with the third tech without being rude.

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I Hate You Too, Adverbs

Homework is a lot of work! A coworker’s grandchildren came in today and we tried to help them do their homework. I helped the older one with a poem, while he helped the younger one with her math. Then she needed help with her English. We both speak it, I like to proofread, no problem! The question that stumped both of us: What’s an adverb? He sent her to ask me, so I looked it up. I told her it modifies a verb. Her response: What’s modifies? It took 3 employees to help a 9-year old do her homework. Why do you need to know the parts of a sentence? This is why I’ll never be a good writer. I only care if the sentence is complete, not how.

School was a struggle for me. If I worked hard, I would do relativity well. Courses that bored me and confused me had no hope. Like social studies, I hated that class more than anything. It was full of boring facts and people I couldn’t remember.

Homework is what you put into it. I realise that now. I also realise I’m not smarter than a 5th grader.

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Llama Sit!

The drama llama strikes again. To be fair I set myself up for this. I made a rookie mistake. A visitor came in for a scheduled appointment. I recognized him and asked for a refresher on his name (I’m terrible with names). He asked for llama and I went to get him. Problem? Llama’s name is rather common. So common we have 8 with the same first name. Three of those are involve with purchasing. Rookie mistake: I assumed I knew which employee to get.

Fine. I made a mistake. Had this been a non-drama coworker, I could have apologized and returned to my visitor for clarification. Unfortunately llama wanted to come tease him. It was all too tempting. I begged llama to stay at his desk (I honestly did) but he said he wanted to have some fun. Fun at other people’s expense is not cool. I really need to remember Mr. Generic next time. Since I remember why I can’t assume.

As a side note: The more common your name, the less likely I’ll remember it. The name that gives me the most grief...is Mike.

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